Have you ever had this happen to you: you’re walking down the street on your way home from work and all of a sudden you have this slight pit in your stomach. Just for a moment, a sense of uneasiness. And you think to yourself, “oh, what is it that is making me uneasy? I can’t remember right now.”
Maybe it’s a difficult phone call you have to make, or a work meeting you’re stressed about. But you can’t quite place your finger on it….
This happened to me the other day, and it is something that has happened to me a zillion times before. But this time I thought, “Wait, why am I trying to find something to attach to this bodily feeling?” I’m walking down the street, listening to music, and I have a moment of a pit in my stomach, (which has since passed by the way) and now I’m actively trying to find something that is worrying me…Something’s wrong here.
And it’s the first time in my entire life that I’ve questioned that behavior. 🙂 This is actually working. I’m questioning my thought patterns! All by myself! Un prompted, after work, walking down a sun-filled street. Asking myself, why do you go looking for the worry? Why not just let it pass from the body?
(Probably because I like to worry. It gives me an illusion of control over things I have no control over. But I don’t want to live in illusions. I want to live in reality.)
I also had this thought: have I sometimes created things to worry about in order to “attach” something to this little sense of dread in my stomach? What if the little feeling could be unconnected to thoughts, a momentary passing sensation?
For now, I’m just glad I recognized what I was doing in the moment. That’s the first step. Hopefully in time this will lead to an ability to deal with life’s small uncomfortable moments when they happen without ruminating over them beforehand.
p.s. still not sure what I was worried about 👍🏼