Recognizing Fear

After many years of not teaching, I got a new opportunity to teach yoga a couple weeks ago. It’s something I’ve wanted for a while now, to hone my skill in teaching and become involved with the yoga community again. But as the first day of the class approached, I started thinking that it wasn’t going to work out. The class didn’t seem to be the right fit for me and the hours were tough to make work with my full-time job.

And then I happened to listen to this Dharmatalk on my lunch break:

“When we’re standing in fear, we have a really deluded, but CLEAR sense that something needs to be different and there’s a way  it’s supposed to be and we need to control it.

So there’s this false certainty when we’re standing in fear that leads to a bunch of unskillful action and a lot more mess.”

— Paraphrasing Sarah Emerson, head Zen priest at Stone Creek Zen Center.**

How f*cking smart are those words?

I swear the universe is giving me the things I need (“the nature of all things is liberation”).

Oh shitttt, I thought, I’m scared. I hadn’t even realized that it was fear that was creating all my “concerns” about teaching.

Fear can make really good arguments. Fear’s arguments can be so good and you can feel so sure about them that you don’t even realize that it is fear who is talking.

But then I did realize. And then I went to the class and taught for the first time in almost four years.

-Day 68

**Also I’d just like to mention that I did not know there were Zen priests and that that is AMAZING. Except that if I were the head Zen priest at a Zen Center I would want to be called the high priestess.

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