Back in May I decided to commit to a year of meditation. I decided I would sit in mindfulness meditation for a minimum of 20 minutes per day. I’m currently on Day 185. Yep! Over half a year down today! I haven’t missed even a single day.
What I’ve Learned
I am tenacious.
I’ve learned that despite what I’ve always said about myself – that I have no tenacity and no stick-to-it-ness, it appears that this is not so much the case anymore. I can’t totally put my finger on what is different this time around. I think the blog and the Instagram account has kept me accountable; my husband has kept me accountable. But I also think I’m finally at a place in my life where I’m able to set the proper goals. Goals that are long enough, lofty enough, specific enough.
Change takes more time than you want it to.
If you want to really transform yourself it’s going to take longer than you want it to. It’s going to be mundane on a day-to-day basis and you’ve got to put work in consistently. You’ve got to settle in and trust the process. These are simple ideas but many of us have a tendency to want to cut to the end and skip all the good stuff. Shifting from goal oriented to process oriented has been imperative for me. And it’s still a work in progress for me.
I am flexible.
I’ve meditated in so many places, including Iceland, Los Angeles, my in-laws bathroom in Brooklyn, my niece’s bedroom in Denver, my parent’s house in Massachusetts, on a farm in Kent, Connecticut, at a Vermont inn, above a gift store in upstate New York, and of course, my favorite place to meditate: at home in our apartment in Jersey City. I’ve meditated at 5:45 am and I’ve meditated at 11:30 pm (that night I realized as I climbed into bed that I hadn’t meditated that day), and every time in between.
How I’ve Changed
Have I changed? Yes. I let go of anger and worry more easily now.
I have more confidence in my abilities and my ability to grow.
I am more patient with myself and others.
My life feels more spacious.
I pause before acting more often.
I have fewer bad days. And I’m much less likely to let a bad hour turn into a bad day. Or let a comment or situation throw me off in any real way. I’m less likely to be in a bad mood for no reason. I’m more likely to be in a good mood for no reason.
I am slowly but surely taking responsibility for each and every one of my actions.
And then I’m also still incredibly flawed. But even that, I feel better about that. I am more likely to give myself a break for my inevitable flaws.
I hope my words and posts will inspire some of you to try meditation. (Maybe try again. It took me a number of false starts before I was able to commit.)
So What Now?
So what’s the goal going forward? I’m going to keep sitting. I’d like to be a reminder to slow down, to wake up. I’d like to have people seek me out for advice on how to live well. I’d like to be a person in my community that people look to, a person who helps. Eventually, I’d like to be a teacher and advisor.
I’d like to be the real deal. I’d like to better myself to the point where my days are full of attention and intention. Better myself to the point where I treat all interactions and all people as sacred and worthy. I’d like my words to be perfect and my actions to be generous and well-considered.
These are big goals. But aiming high seems to be working for me right now.
Anyway, thanks for reading. And thank you for following and commenting, it really does mean something to me