Just wanted to share a little moment of progress with you all: last night I was at a bar with some friends. I went to the bathroom and because there was only one, I had to wait. A woman then arrived and said, “are you waiting?” I smiled back, “yes.” And then we waited together. And my mind started churning. I started thinking that I wish I had my phone so I could do something while this woman was near me. I started wondering if I looked normal. I crossed my arms. I uncrossed them. I started thinking it was weird that we weren’t speaking to each other, even though we were so close and alone together and both waiting. Oh my GOD Jacki, STOP. I caught myself. I brought my attention to my breathing and my chest and the thoughts slowed, quieted their needless insane chatter. My body relaxed.
I used to not notice that I would spin out into these moments of image obsession and pointless concern over what a stranger might think of me for 30 seconds. This kind of mental chatter is sneaky and it’s draining. But I can actually say I have a handle on it now. I can catch it and say oh yea this thinking is not beneficial in any way. 👋🏼Thanks but no thanks.